


What We Have

by Absulute_97



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No One Direction, M/M, Mpreg, Poetry, Rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2019-02-06 06:50:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12812007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Absulute_97/pseuds/Absulute_97
Summary: Zayn, a star lost between the grey walls of New York, found himself attracted to a blond stripper who is not what he said he is. Niall, a poet as he said yet failed to live like one, clung to the cynicism he holds upon meeting the familiar face.(Under editing. Fair warning it's horrible. Don't read it unless you want a cringe-fest. I'm currently working on it to make it at least readable.)





	1. Chapter 1

New Jersey, 2002 

A vibrant house brightened the otherwise dimly lit street, contrary to the darkness behind the steel lamp situated across. Filled with a mixed cacophony of radio upbeat music and overlapping chatter, reverberating throughout the premises. Teenager loitered, with liquor and cigarette on their hand, laughing hysterically and mouthing intelligible words. Usually, thing like these consists of a couple or two making out on the spot, vigorous adolescents shouting obscene slur as they play the popular game or some kid idling awkwardly near the counter, trying to fit in with the moving mess.

Niall was not that kid though, he had friend, his brother as his company, but upon the high spirit of such party, the music had swept him away leaving poor Niall all but himself. The blond couldn't really blame his brother, after all it was not his fault for wanting to hang out with the people he likes.

And so the party skit began, Niall stayed to do whatever he does in such scenario: waiting for his brother, fidgeting in the spot, staring into his cup or maybe relocate one or two. But after a long time without any sight of his beloved sibling, he reckoned it would be best to head out for some fresh air, so he did, out in the cold, near the creepy warehouse.

Despite persist an unsettling vibe prevailed in its bleak surroundings. Upon arrival, the blond quickly felt at peace, a sense of solitude he would say, no jerk brushing across his shoulder, no yelling or screaming, no deafening 2000s Rock and Roll. It was something that he usually relishes in, lonely and quite, he supposed. He leaned against the warehouse, tucked his shirt tighter to his thin figure as the freezing air of December scraping against his skin.

Suddenly, a mix of laughter broke into motion, Niall lifted his head to sighted a group of teenager sauntered into the backyard, throwing their head back as they shoved each other playfully.

" Hey I'm gonna head here for a cig, don't mind me" A raven-haired male spoke.

" yeah don't give head without me" A girl latching onto her friend retorted with a smirk then laugh loudly at her own joke.

"I won't" the other male chuckled as he swiveled his feet.

Niall's sight followed the male as he instantly realized that the stranger was gonna head near. The blond nervously turned his gaze away from the guy, his hand tightened around his back as he futilely pretended to be casual upon the male arrival right next to him. The man was a fairly lean figure, a dark leather jacket draped over his back. His hair was pitch black, gleamed slightly, strands of it cascade from his forehead to the back of his neck. Stubbles scattered alongside his cheekbone down to his chin, his skin possessed the tinted shade, tinged by the luminous hue radiated from the party.

" Big party ey"

Niall arched his eyebrows in response, he mumbled a "huh?" then quickly compensated with "Oh yeah a little bit crowded really"

Despite the blond's effort for wanting to continue the conversation, his croaked voice came out intelligible, barely audible for anybody to heard.

The other didn't seem to care much, he then drew out a cigarette and a lighter, lit one end of the fag up then brought the other to his mouth. Inhaled it with a long hissing sound before puffing out a billow of smoke in the cold winter air, lingering enough to illuminate the light behind with a bokeh effect then eventually dispersed upon an arbitrary breeze.

"So haven't seen you 'round school" the newcomer started again.

Distracted by the smoke, Niall quickly recomposed himself as he replied "uhm.. I'm not really popular in school"

"Really? a person as cute as you, you must be kidding me"

Niall's rosy cheek under the chill blushed an even redder shade at the compliment. It was the first time someone had call him such nice title apart from his brother.

" What's your name anyway?"

"Uhm Niall, Niall Horan"

"Zayn"

"Yeah um...I know, I was in your class once" 

"Really" The male arched his eyebrows as he raised his hand for another drag on his cigarette.

"Yeah uhm I was at the far back of the class so it's not your fault that you didn't notice me" 

"Well now I want to know you" A burst of smoke spewed from the tan's lip, reaching to where Niall stood "Tell me, Niall, why did you come to such dreadful place ?" 

"You mean the party? uhm...It is senior year so I suppose I should enjoy it while it lasts'

" And you didn't" The other smirked.

Niall gave himself a self-deprecating chuckle before replied with a quiet "yeah". 

"I hate people too you know so we're like on the same page here"

"Really? that is" The blond clear his throat " a little surprising to say at least" Eyes gauged at the other before continued "I assume people like you usually enjoy crowds" 

"People like me? Are you stereotyping me?" The raven-haired male's lips lifted into an amusing smile.

"No" The mirth from the person extended to Niall as he himself tried to suppress his smile to finish his speech "I mean that extroverts like you are comfortable in crowd" 

"Extrovert? I'm barely even one, there're times I indulge in a bit of solitude."

"I don't seem to see you by yourself often" 

" Yeah well maybe that's why I want it, like candy, eat them, yeah great, eat them a lot, yeah diabetes" 

Niall lifted his hand to stifle the following laugh, lowered his head instinctively, a few strands of blond dropped on the pale forehead. The other's eyes followed his merriment, a smile inexplicably prompted upon his own face.

The pale male finally raised his gaze up to meet the other brown iris, smile still lingering on the pale face "Yeah well I like candy" 

" Oh so you've got a sweet tooth eh? Might have guessed it cause you're blond"

"That's a stereotype"

"It's true though" 

Both males curved their lips simultaneously, relished in the freezing breeze despite the coldness that it brought along the current. It was like fire, bursting sparks that was meant to be just a smoldering fireplace in the morning.

Zayn's smile quickly faltered as his eyes fixated on the blond with a pair of blue gawped up at his own, eyebrows furrowed curiously. Suddenly the atmosphere shifted into a strange one, one that Niall barely know, a bizarre territory. His heart palpitated like mad, his stomach flutter like butterfly tickling him from the inside. It was curious, to say the least, like a haven of forbidden fruits exposed to an innocuous creature.

The blond's breath hitched, Zayn started to drew his face closer, withdrawing their proximity. Do something, he thought, as he shut his eyes tight. Greg, his brother, was a lady killer, he used to tell him stories about his love, how they kiss, how the fireworks erupted upon the touch. Niall did not believe that, he was not stupid. But still, he was hoping for something, he didn't know what yet, but something to happen. 

" Wooo backyard party hoes!" A ring of laughter and hollers abruptly invaded the backspace, revelers spilled out from the house. The blond though was still oblivious, positioned himself, waiting, hoping. But none come. With anxiety he opened his eyelids, immediately perplexed by the range of new faces that weren't here a minute ago. How awful, they were kissing, he thought, as a tint of red crawling like vines over his cheek. He turned his gaze to his friend as he saw the male's smirk over the spectacle " Do you want to get out of here?"

"Yeah"

"Okay, there's a room at the end of the second floor. Go there, I'll go to the kitchen first to pick up some beer " The male threw his burning cigarette to the damp grass, stepped on it to extinguish the burning end then submerged into the crowd, ventured into the house.

Niall watched Zayn's figure disappeared into the sea of bodies, then he himself jostled through the cluster of limp postures, navigated to the stair then reached to the second floor where he found a corridor, the room that Zayn've indicated was at the end of it. Niall entered the room, the first things he noticed upon arrival was the pictures of a girl hanging across the room which he assumed was her, the bed was well made and the light from the nightstand was luckily turned on. The blond made his way to the bed as he sat on the edge of the lavender sheet, swing his foot in anticipation of his companion. Not long after Zayn appeared with a beer crate, putting it down on the floor as he held one out for Niall.

"Nah I'm not much of an alcohol person"

"You said it yourself that it's senior year, enjoy it while it lasts, so come on, don't be shy" 

Niall shook his head in refusal. He had never had a drop of liquor in his life, partly because his parent forbidden him to did so, but also because he was afraid of tasting the thing.

"Come on Niall, don't look at it like that, it won't bite I promise" the other prod the cool material upon Niall's cheek as the blond loosen up with a smirk flourished on his face.

He tentatively reached for the beer which the male opted to smell it first before bringing the cold liquid to his lips. His tongue made contact with the substance as his face contorted in disgust. It was even more revolting than he thought, like a mixture of sour and bitter from a really old fruit that he had once tasted (don't ask). He suppressed his urge to spit it out and forced the thing down his throat with all his might.

"Come on drink more I didn't bring it here just for you to taste it did I" 

A pair of blue eyes gazed over the man hesitatingly, the blond's mind was still twirling upon the chill and the foreign flavor "Can we, like, do this another time?"

"Niall... no one likes beer the first time, you have to get to know it first. Now drink it"

Niall eyed Zayn suspiciously before turned back to the metal can. He made his decision to brought the thing up for the second time as he sipped it reluctantly, letting the flavor take it course around his mouth. After the initial sip, the liquor got much better, the yeast and the maltiness that was first obscured was then visible more than ever, disgusting but enticing. It was drinkable after all, Niall thought.

***************************

"Yeah so like when my sister used the bathroom she yelled LUKANGYINGYA and my mom immediately dashed to the door just to yell back YOU'RE ADOPTED" 

The room filled with the laughter of two people, overlapping each other to create a sense of coziness from the dim lit room. The males laying on the lavender cover splayed their appendages across the bed, unconsciously invaded the other's space in the process, making the other's presence enjoyable by each.

"Man I wish I had parents like you" A dazed voice passed from the blond's lips.

"How so?" 

"I don't know man, They're just... just so" The male stalled to find the right word "Strict... Like Christianity is engraved in our genes or something"

"Wait so you're Christian" The other jovially smile at his own response.

"Yes, and it is so annoying like you can't do anything because apparently 'God is watching', yeah I guess that it's good to have something to believe in but gosh why do they have to take it so literary " The blond's eyes bored into the ceiling pensively " sometimes I wonder that if I had better parents would I have a better life?" 

"Woah woah easy there" The other quickly propped up for a better view of the blond.

"It's true I'm not some angst kid to say that, I'm fully aware that they're holding me back"

"Well, they do suck as I heard from you, but man, we only got like 4 months or so before graduation. Think of it this way you only have to endure them the rest of high school then boom you're at college, no parent problem for you"

Niall's lips curved up into a smile, his fellow was right, freedom was on the near horizon, what it is to worry about such trivial. It can be that of the inebriated liquid, but inside Niall, endless images of bustling streets and vibrant light kept repeating itself in his mind, flashing like those burning film images when a movie is over. He had always dreamt about moving to the next city, to enjoy true liberty, to venture into Brooklyn like so many poets had done, to hitch a lift for an endless ride from Battery to the holy Bronx. Gosh, he dreamed of viewing the machinery stars from the height of Empire state, of living a nomadic life like the Beat poetry. 

"You know talking isn't as hard as I thought" the blond heaved a relieved sigh.

Zayn chuckle lightly" Don't tell me you're a virgin" 

Niall stayed reticent at that remark, no justification, no rectification, just utter silence.

"Oh my god, Niall you are a virgin" 

"Is it really that important?" The blond furrowed his eyebrows in irritation.

"Yeah it is, I bet you don't even watch porn!" 

The silence continued with a laugh followed by from the raven-haired guy. He shoved his face into the pillow in order to stifle his giggle.

"What? My mom said that's bad for kids"

The other male finally stopped trying to suppress his mirth. A wave of laughter erupted upon the vacant room. 

"It's not that funny" But the blond's word wasn't enough for the other to stop his laughing convulsion "Hey stop laughing. It's not funny" 

The male finally dropped himself to the mattress as he turned his face toward Niall with a grin still lingering on his face "You know what? How about we do it right here"

"What do you mean?'

"You know what I mean, like do it right here"

It didn't take any more clarification for Niall to understand the male's innuendo, his face gradually transformed into a deep state of red. 

"Come on, you said that your parents' reign has nothing on you right? So what's the point of keeping your virginity?" 

"It's not like that... I'm not..." 

"Gay...we're just on the verge of kissing back there and you say you're not gay" 

"No.. it just...I'm not ready" 

"C'mon if you're not ready for this then how can you be ready for what's out there when you're on your own?" Zayn helped himself up with his elbow then rolled over to pin Niall under his body " I'll do all the work" 

Flabbergasted by Zayn's sudden action, Niall turned his face away from the smell of alcohol above. The blond was tipsy, yes, but he is still aware of his sanity, that this was way too sudden. His face turned pink upon the dazed state of his mind, diluted with the paleness of the skin, tantalized to those who behold. 

Zayn became impatience, he started to snaked his hand down to Niall's groin, caressed it to arouse the blond. A pair of lips slowly dropped down to Niall's cheek, peppering pecks across the smooth surface. His other arm aimlessly came up to massage the blond's chest making him whimpered upon the foreign touch.

Niall's mind, still lost in confusion, wanted to escape but was yet to know how. He brought a hand to Zayn's chest hoping that the other will stop. But he didn't. Only continued to dip his lips down further into the blond's throat, making wet paths up and down the rosy skin, yielding a closer proximity to the smaller body. 

He felt like there was something in his throat, a lump clogged his voice. He shut his eyes tight. Hoping all will magically pass. And magically enough it did. The commotion receded from the blond's body as he felt the weight above him lifted. He slowly slit his eyes open but only to be disappointed by that Zayn was yet to relinquished his intention, he rose himself up just to take his clothes off. Abruptly, the male turned Niall over like a fish in the pan, ripping his pant down to his knee.

"Zayn I'm not comfortable" A muffled plead came out from him.

The other didn't listen as he began to slide his finger further under Niall's shirt working his way up to the blond's nipple. His lips continued to nip Niall back, making him gasped when the male's teeth scraped against the blond's skin.

"Zayn I don't think I like this" The saliva from Niall's back make him felt disgusted, his body tense upon each touch from Zayn.

"Shh don't worry you will feel good later I promise" Niall felt a hard object make contact with his bum.

"C'mon Zayn I'm not kidding" The blond forcefully wiggle out out the other grasp but only to be rendered as feeble upon Zayn's grip. He heaved his breath over Niall's neck as the male bit the alluring ear, hip roughly thrust into Niall's.

"It's gonna be painful at first but it'll get better by time" Husky voice slowly fazed by Niall's chaotic mind.

"Zayn I'm scared" The last straw, Niall's last effort. Devastating. If only he didn't go to this party, If only he didn't meet Zayn. The blond eyes glimmering under the subdued light, he desperately looked up at Zayn hoping to incite some sense of sympathy from the other.

"Shhh.. It's gonna be okay" 

Zayn's voice began to fade, everything contorted into the blurry light. Niall heard the music from downstairs, grunting and moaning from above him, people still causing dissonance in the yard, right behind the window.

" I felt huge and bloated. I felt like a sea in which he stood and pissed and shat. I felt the corners of my body were turning in on themselves and out, like in cat's cradle, which I played with Lindsey just to make her happy "

It's weird that he didn't really remember much after it. Just vague flash of images that last less than a second. It was more of a story than a memory, an event that seems to get that ting off people but couldn't remember how they get that ting in the first place. 

**********************

The first quote is cited from The Lovely Bone by Alice Sebold


	2. Manuscript

A focused beam of bright light thrown upon a spot on the stage. A figure gradually emerged from the darkness behind, extravagant garment dazzled in effect of a thousand crystals embellished on it, shining like constellations on an Arctic's summer night. The person raised their hand to cover their eyes from the blinding light, then elegantly reached to the microphone in front, curves showing, lips pursing as the music began to play.

"Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday to you,

Happy Birthday My Beloved Idol,

Happy Birthday to you. "

The modulate tone enticed the audience, all stay reticent in admiration of the beauty above. The fixed light shone intensely on the lean figure, marginalized the peripheral ground, flaunting their grace and finesse upon the eyes under.

" Thank's My Beloved Idol

For all the things you've done

The battles you've won

The way you deal with US Press

And our problems by the ton,

We thank you, so much.

Everybody, Happy Birthday!"

As the last note subsided, the whole room started clapping vigorously, people were in cheers of the person ungodly glamor. It prolonged for a moment before the light started to dim, the scene faded into black and the room went back to the darkness it once possessed.

***********  
New York, 2012

"You're GF is hot bro" A series of laughter burst from a trio as it dispersed along the crowded street, almost unhearable through the cacophony from the cement pavement.

The subject of the comment disregarded the provocation, he took a long drag on the cigarette he held then left a puff of vague smoke trailing behind him.

"Shut up"

Laughters quickly erupted from the other two, antagonized the male ahead as he held harder on the tobacco.

"Bro, I knew you would be upset after that, so I got a gift for ya " one person spoke.

The raven-haired male glared at the figure "How about we call this a day, I have had enough for one day" 

"Can't-do buddy, you're knacked"

His other fellow chimed in "Yeah you need some quick aid man"

The tan male made a last long drag on the smoldering stick before swiveled his feet to the motioning throngs, raised his hand as he said his goodbye. His companions, however, were having none of it, sneakily they gestured each other then next they swiftly latched each of their arms over the raven-haired male, drag the poor soul from his sweet departure.

"Come on I ensure you this place will be worth it" the person who suggested the idea spoke in excitement as he threw the raven-haired male into the back seat of his car while he and the other took the front. 

"I assure not" the male mumbled like a petulant child, his arm crossed as his forehead leaned onto the glass door watched the vehicle soon roared to life, slowly moving out of the parking lot and into the concrete jungle, the New York City. As it sped up upon the grey asphalt the view from the window frame slowly distorted into blurry flashing images. People around the car, the other cars along the side, the vibrant colors of the street, all like smudges on the big canvas of the so-called liberty. the light emitted from the building create an illusion of glamor, embellishing arbitrarily prominent stains on the shadowed street, bringing the city back to an artificial life. 

Uncanny noise reverberating repeatedly upon the rigid street, dominated to transform the urban artistic layout into an erratic, disorder mess. Cars and commutes, plying and loitering on the bustling pavement conduce an overlap of deafening and agitating sense, making those who witnessed anxious or overwhelmed by the city hustling vibes.

After crossing a few streets the car soon slowed down as it reached an unnamed alley, where the colorful light faded into dirty smears. Weak flickering neon signs shone upon the dubious road, letting those who went along aware of the skeptical bodies strolling upon the rundown sidewalk.

"You guys aren't gonna kill me are you?" The male raised his lips into a comical smirk.

"I wish I could but I can't" One of the males chuckled with amusement as the car suddenly came to a stop. " We're here"

The male occupied the back seat roved his eyes toward the surrounding as he quickly noticed a prominent pink light flashing intermittently upon the desolate area.

"A strip club, really?"

"Come on the fun is yet to begin" He indicated the male to go out as he and the other made his way in first. The remaining male inside sighed as he too made his way out of the car to follow his fellows.

As soon as he stepped out of the iron door the scene he saw was not much better than what he felt at then, deserted and abandoned, there was nothing but trash, harangued passerby and drunk revelers loitering on the spot with a guy on their crotch. Not a bit appealing whatsoever.

The male averted his gaze from the sight and headed toward the flickering pink entrance. The vicinity was located in a hidden location, to actually access the club customer must go through a long hall and be confronted by 2 guards. After his friend whispered something into the men's ears, they move out of the way, indicated a door behind which Zayn and his fellows whereupon proceeded to.

Upon reached the door his friends surreptitiously gauged at Zayn before extent their arms to crack it wider on its hinges. Abruptly, a wave of simultaneous noises broke out from the place, emitted its deafening tunes to Zayn's ringing ears. The beams of light flickered wildly inside, flashing across the faces of the trio making them cover their eyes upon the blinding laser. People, male specifically, grinding eagerly onto each other, dancing lewd gestures upon the thin layers of fabric desperate to seduce their patrons.

The tan's eyebrows furrowed in annoyance, this place was something he did not need right then, another cluster of mayhem, he thought as a sigh escaped from the tainted lips, Zayn moved his hand under his jacket as he drew out a device from its pocket, but before he had the chance to use the thing, a hand intercepted him mid-air.

"Just a second"

The tan male glared at his companion, but before he can utter another word, the before darkening stage burst into life as three glaring spotlights fixated over the middle of the stage. A loud voice ricocheting upon the chaotic bar.

"From the great mountain of Olympus, the land of mighty Zeus. Gentlemen, I present you the Muses"

The veil over the stage swiftly parted away as a man abruptly emerged from it, stretching his bicep in a sexual manner to incite a range of shouts and vigor from the lascivious audience. Whereupon a second male appeared behind, a hairy man donned with a revealing cowboy jacket, swinging a rope from his belt while exclaiming a loud shriek next to the first one. Another sigh passed from the raven haired's lips as he dropped his eyes back down to the glowing screen from his hand.

"Look!" Despite wanted to ignore everything his friends still nudge the side of Zayn's torso for attention.

The black haired male furrowed his eyebrows in irritation, he gave his companion a 'really?' glare before stubbornly complied, cast a glance over the platform. But upon an unexpected arrival, his eyes quickly fixed upon a strange view.

The person reflected in his eye was but a mortal. Fixed beams cascade from above, shone upon what Zayn could only describe a deity. His skin was fair like white roses flourished on the first day of spring, his hair illuminated the shade of flaxen, diluted with his pale skin, radiant in the aura of the artificial light. Zayn was not the exception, the whole auditorium was also in awe of the person's presence, stunned by the arrival of such beauty, a precious treasure, buried under all this grit, this epitome of vulgarity.

The eminent blond slowly got on four, gradually making his way to the edge of the stage near where a customer situated. His hand graciously extend to the tie on the person's neck, playing with it in an arousing manner then abruptly pulled it toward him. An ambiguous smile flashed from the stripper before he licked the upper lip of the person then let go of the fabric and quickly stood up to return, triggering various hollers from the audience as he went.

" Like him?"

Caught up in his own reverie, Zayn startled. He clumsily composed himself by looking back on his phone while feigning an uninterested facade."He's ok"

"Oh ok you say, well, it didn't come with only watching"

"What do you mean?" The male furrowed his eyebrows.

"Well, Escort is a popular thing here"

Zayn swallowed his spit nervously. " I'm not really into STD you know"

"Really?"

His other friend cut in, "C'mon bro I know you like him, you were drooling at him from the moment he came out, I mean look at him, if I were gay I would be smacking that ass".

Zayn's eyes furtively peered at the person on stage. His friends were right, he did think that person was special, to say the least, a pearl he would consider. But... "I think we should call it a day, I'm quenched anyway" Zayn turned his back from the stage while briskly passing through his friends to head out.

Seeing the male tried to flee, the men quickly followed him. "Wait, wait there is another thing that I need to tell you"

"What?" The raven-haired male kept his speed.

"Do you think that brought you here just because of your birthday?"

"Pretty much"

"Look man you got to listen to me this bit is personal"

"Yeah?"

His man jostled forward and stopped Zayn from taking any further steps " Look I swear it's really important"

Zayn suspiciously looked at the person in front, trying to inspect any dubious element from his friend.

"I swear to god Zayn it's important"

Zayn was a bit skeptical about the two, wary of what else were they plotting.

"Hey man we're not trying to drug you or anything, it's about your ex"

The ebony haired male relieved the pressure in his eyebrows, he gave the two a sign before comply. "Okay I'll listen"

**************

They lied. There was nothing whatsoever. After they tricked him into a room, they immediately confiscated his phone and locked him in there. Zayn sighed, he lied on the bed of the place and stared pensively at the ceiling.

Despite being a segment of a rundown facility, his room was in a fairly fine condition. The sheet was kept clean, thankfully, there was a lamp on the nightstand and too it was big lest Zayn felt suffocated. A place all for himself, he thought. The male gave another sign. He had always lack of solitude since the beginning of his career, but the moment he was there with himself, his mind immediately fell back to the numerous dramas he was dealing with.

Zayn closed his eyes in contemplation, his breath became modulated as he tried to revisit all the events that took place in the present. Though the male knew that this was without a doubt unhealthy, he just couldn't help the thought of wanting to confront it all. An addiction of metally masochism.

The troublesome male was abruptly brought back to reality when the door made a creek sound on its hinges, slowly cracked open to reveal a lean figure with a thick jacket draped over his body. The person sneakily slid through the crack, made himself quiet as he closed the entry behind.

"Hello there" Zayn greeted the fellow.

The person seemed somewhat startled by Zayn voice, quickly he swiveled his head to meet The male's gaze. "Oh Hey"

Zayn helped himself up in support of his arm, as he sat up with his legs dangling over the edge of the sheet, he scratched his head confusingly of what to say to the stranger. Again he looked over the male. The blond seemed different when he not revealing, the tan thought, more feral he would say. The tattered garments covered his body, concealed the bit of gleaming and made him look like a runaway teenager, though yet to inhibit his beauty, what beauty he may say, well, all of it, especially his eyes. Given the up-close distance, Zayn noticed that the male's eyes were actually very blue, the similar blue that was not like ocean but perhaps crystal, azure shining jewels that shine through the darkness.

"What your name?" The blond asked out of the blue.

"Zayn... I mean I'm Zayn" Zayn clear his throat as he spoke.

"Huh you look familiar"

"Uhm I'm quite well known actually" Gosh it sounded so arrogant coming from him.

"Yeah," The blond said nonchalantly, he leaned onto the wall next to him while taking the cigarette out from his pocket, conveniently lit it up with a lighter then held it to his lips. Zayn furrowed his eyebrows. The guy had no problem with smoking, he had done so quite often himself but seeing a person like the blond puffing out smoke like a train's chimney was something he doubt he would like.

The blond diverted his eyes toward the person, like he could recited the other's thought, he got to his feet, over the bed then knelt down between the gap of Zayn's legs, directly to his crotch with the smoldering blunt still linger on his lips "So you bot or top" Niall said.

"I.. uhm.. My friends... I didn't intend to be here"

"You want a refund?" The blond furrowed his eyebrows.

"No..You..You can take the money"

The male made a questioning huh noise, arched his eyebrows as he eyed at Zayn suspiciously before continued to suck on the cig.

Zayn awkwardly scrambled off the position and reached for the door, but as he twisted the handle, it stuck in the place"Why is it locked"

"Your friend said they want the door locked until morning" A billow of smoke followed, quickly dispersed as it hit the air.

"Oh" Zayn leaned on the bister door, fidgeting in the spot.

The other male glared at him peeringly"So you want sex or not?"

"Uhm... you don't have to..."

"Ok" the male pushed his leg up, clambered on to the bed as he put the burning cigarette on the nightstand.

Zayn's eyes faltered, he was rather a bit disappointed by the blond's indifferent. Seeing the bed had already been taken, he started to look around for a place to rest for the night.

Luckily the other patted on the vacant side next to him as he offered the troubling male "You want to sleep on the floor?"

"Uhm, No actually" Zayn scurried to the bed "Thanks"

The other person didn't reply. He raised himself up to turned off the light then shifted back to the mattress

"So how long have you been in here?" The tan male spoke as soon as he felt the other breath upon his chest.

The blond raised a huh sound in questioning while still had his eyelids closed.

"I said how long have you.. uhm.. been in this job?"

"Long"

The other male mouth an oh, before tucked himself tighter to the spot. "So did you met a lot of famous people?"

"Do you have a habit of being inquisitive"

Whereupon, Zayn laugh nervously before immediately sank himself in reticence. After the sensing the other's modulated respiration, Zayn sighed as he gave himself permission to looked at the blond, scrutinized all his nuances. In Zayn's career, he had seen a lot of good-looking people, people will do anything possible to climb higher, even he himself was one of them. The process was nearly always the same feigned a trait of naivety, find the most powerful men that you can get your hand onto and finally lure them by empathy. But the person in front of him was more than that. Despite working in this not so sacred job, he possessed something very intriguing, something had been hidden very careful, a profound meaning under those closed shut eyelids.

Unaware of Zayn's admiration for himself, the blond rolled over the other side, prevented Zayn from any further inspection. With this Zayn refrained from prying the male and forced his eyes to close tight under the darkness of the night.

**************

The morning of New York City, the cacophony of vehicle dashing on the street, people yelling at each other for getting in the way. A cluster of headlights from the machines rapidly flashing upon the darkness, each sparsed a few of its rays on the glistening concrete soaked with dirtiness and grit.

The bustling noise disturbed Zayn from his slumber as he stretched instinctively over the cover then quickly froze when another warmth appeared beside him. He regained his consciousness as remembered the event last night, the party, his friend, the stripper.

Zayn looked at the blond for the last time before left the bed, briskly tiptoed to the door checking the handle. After assured that it was unlocked, he cracked it on its hinges, slightly so that he don't wake the person on the bed, then slid through the crack to get outside.

**************

Inside the silence room, the person on the bed gradually rose from his position, took a cigarette out of his pocket. Lit its end on as he held it to his mouth. His bare feet made contact on the cold floor before stood up and walked to the window frame where a chilling gust welcomed him. Not long after, a busy gait below caught his attention, the figure tucked onto his own shirt as he trekked across the morning street. The blond’s lean fingers slowly took the fag apart from the rosy's gap, blew a series of smoke out in the autumn cold air as his eyes trailed along the person.


	3. Apathy

New York, The 70s A derelict tunnel, filled with scattering litter and grit. The walls occupied by bizarre and frightful graffiti. a few dubious looking guy loitered around the station. Bars, turnstiles and steel gates fixed upon the vicinity. A disorientation sense of a prison. 

Once in a while, a train come by. Had its light sparing across the pitch black platform. Chasing away the stifling atmosphere omnipresent in the hole. It's head churning out uncanny sounds, signaling the commutes for another ride. The machine came to a stop, waited for the passenger to get on board. Then continued its journey under the concrete jungle. Dashed across the darkness, leaving behind a gust of wind on its tail.

The subway of the late 70s. One of the worst way one can choose for travel. New Yorkers know all too well that that place was nothing but bad news. All sort of thing existed there muggers, sexual assault, murder you name it. Still people opt to choose it. Why? Nobody know. Maybe they are not normal to begin with. A normal person would have chosen the bus station over that horrific realm. 

A figure had their hand in their pocket, sauntered near another close to the pillar. His eyes scouted the surrounding. Casually pulled his hand out. Then suddenly, he swooped down and snatched the leather object off the person's hand. Raced across the station. But before he can go any farther. Another weight lunged at him. Wrestled him down to the concrete ground, pushing him flat against the solid tiles. But he didn't fall alone. Another person went down with him. Wedged him down.

"Give me the fucking wallet" He command.

The person under struggled against the mass. His hand desperately reached for a fulcrum to level himself forward. Though it was getting nowhere. The other's steadfast grip was relentless. He gave the other a shove as a warning.

"The wallet"

The boy whimpered on the ground. Reluctantly raised the stolen object with his hand. Which then was immediately confiscated by the other. The male pushed the theft for the last time before standing up."Go home to your mother" He said.

The figure on the ground glaring darkly up at the person then scrambled to the exit. When the male behind was sure that the mugger was gone, he swiveled his feet and return to the wallet's owner.

Occupied the red pillar was a blond. His two fingers held on to the smoldering cigarette, hang loosely over his parted lips

."Here you go" The male heave a breath as he handed the wallet to the person.

The blond leisurely turned his face to the man as he retrieved the object. Then turned back to smoking.

The other furrowed his eyebrow. Questioningly. "A thank would be nice" He mumbled.

whereupon the other sneered "Thank, now screw"

"What?" The dark haired male said.

The person didn't answer. He kept on puffing the cigarette as his eyes glazed forward.The tan male was angry. Though didn't do anything. He released a sigh to calm himself. He gave the guy one last glare as he turned away.

*********

The blacked haired male pottered over the gloom station. Accompanied by the desolate grey walls and the lonesome track. A breeze of wind from the entrance wafted into the subway. Woven into the ebony threads and raised his hair slightly. The person halted at a pillar. Leaned on it and waited.Unexpectedly, from the peripheral of his eyes. A familiar figure appeared on the broken bench next to him, a blond head. It was the guy that he helped yesterday, a rude one he remembered. He gave the person a despicable glance, before turned his gaze elsewhere.

The blond without any awareness of the male. Woke up. Stretched his arms across the seat which did not extend out fully in accord with his size. He rubbed his eyes to meet the blinding light. The person lied motionless for a moment, then wearily came up using a limp. He scratched his neck. Drew out a cigarette and a lighter from his pocket then sparked a flame upon the lighter. Ignited the tobacco as it was put over the cracked lips. The blond used his half-lidded eyes to scout the surrounding. Immediately lighten up upon a familiar figure.

"Hey it's you, the kid from yesterday"

The raven-haired disregarded the other's greet. His eyes fixated on the track in front. Ignoring. As were not expected a hysterical laugh erupted from the bench. Muffled Giggles incessant upon the dry lips.The tan male irritated. He creased his brow surreptitiously. Peered over the comical person. who was making a fool of himself by coiling up over the seat. Convulsed uncontrollably as was having a seizure.

After enough laughter. The male clumsily took the cigarette from his mouth. Disgorged a line of smoke which fluttered up to the fluorescent light. His whimsical gaze train upon the fellow besides. Blue eyes bright under the white beams, radiant in the midst of a facetious session.

The silence returned. The lack of noise. Made those which can seldom be heard, visible. Like the sound of the whirling wind. The sound of paper scruffing the tiles below. The tapping of the feet from the next person. Conjoined with the dark hole. A lonely and frightening sensation. Evoked.

"No restwithout love,

no sleep

without dreams

of lovebe mad or chill

obsessed with angels

or machines"

The wind kept howling under the tunnel. Drove its current down. Integrated its chillness to the desolate darkness down the track. Traveled farther into the unknown ink.

"What does that suppose to mean?" The tinted skin asked

A billow of smoke puffed from the other's mouth 

"Don't know. You tell me?"

"You're the one who read it"

"And you're the listener"The male furrowed his eyebrows. The other person was absurd, he thought as he diverted his gaze elsewhere.

"You know, thank you for yesterday," The blond said

"Too late" The black haired male replied.

"Never too late for a thank you" 

The male then made a silly gesture of raising his hands up as he laughed to himself. But without any reciprocation. The antic slowly diminished. The blond returned to the smoldering piece on his hand. Then eventually walked away, leaving but a forlorn soul leaned against the pillar.

*************

Today the subway was crowded due to the beginning of the week. Commutes thronged into the hole for their ride. While some dubious characters Surreptitiously seeking for a chance to snatch anything. The dark haired male decided he would set off late today lest encounter a familiar face. But before he could have a chance of relief. A golden head yet again approached him.

"Hey there handsome"The tinted skin male advertently ignored the voice. He put his hand in his pocket. Emphasize his manner.

"Geez a hello wouldn't hurt anyone"Which then the blond continued his usual ritual of drawing out a cig and lit it up. Sparks smoldering on the other end as he put the other end in his mouth. The smoke didn't reach far but to be dispersed by the throng motion.

"the final wish

is love

cannot be bitter,

cannot deny,

cannot withhold

if denied"

The dark haired male glazed to the ground. Furrowed his eyebrows. Contemplating." The final wish which is the most important wish is love. Love surpasses cynicism and bitterness. Yet without it, the world becomes bitter and cynical."

The other male lifted his lips, an ambiguous smile sparked on his face.

Suddenly, a rumbling sound erupted the station. Wails churning out from the two familiar headlights. As a sign people cascaded toward where it stopped. Pushing and shoving. Making the males separated in diversion.The tinted skin male hesitated for a moment before quickly swivel his head to meet a pair of blue crystals.

"What's your name?"

The other male looked up the ceiling for a moment before returned his gaze back to his fellow, bringing the cigarette to his mouth in the process "Call me... Allen"

******************

No rest

without love,no sleep

without dreams

of love

be mad or chill

obsessed with angels

or machine

the final wish

is love

cannot be bitter,

cannot deny,

cannot withhold

if denied

****************

Allen as Allen Ginsberg, a poet i came to love :3who howled on their knees in the subway and were dragged off the roof waving genitals and manuscripts,who let themselves be fucked in the ass by saintly motorcyclists, and screamed with joy,


	4. Cynicism

New York 2012

"AIRE WHAT IS THIS?"

A girl with shoulder-length inky hair responded before rapidly rushed over the carpet to where she was summoned. A tall figure, taller than her, stood rigidly beside the bathroom's door frame, his stentorian voice resonated through the tube-shape apartment as he spoke"How many time had I told you to turned off the faucet when you've done using it"

The little girl peaked into the room where she saw the sink from the left corner filled with water, spilling splashes of wetness down onto the floor where it continued to ripple across the white tiles.

The person infront glared down at her, his brows furrowed wrinkles upon the space between "Did you know how much money our water bill cost last month?"

The girl held her head low, wilting in on herself "I'm sorry"

"You're sorry? is your sorry gonna help us pay the bill" The girl's eyes avoided the height reigned over her, her finger fidgeted nervously, twisting and playing with the sleeve if her shirt "Gosh why are you so stupid"

The girl bit her lips as she repeated her apology " I'm sorry"

The taller person sighed, he gazed his eyes on the ebony head as his voice diminished to a modulated tone "I'm gonna be back late today, Harry gonna be over to watch you" He watched as the girl lowered her head further" You can go back to your room now"

Upon permission the girl quickly swiveled her feets, scruffing her feet against the textile then scurried away. The person behind had his gaze followed her silhouette, made sure she was in her room then finally turned to the door where he headed to the corridor outside. The apartment he resided was located in the east New York, a part of Brooklyn to be specific. How ironic. The first time he saw the place, the guy was perplexed by how it still manages to stand in a ground like New York, its derelict and rundown walls should be enough to collapse on its own let alone one wasting money on demolishing a pile of rubble. But Niall was at the bottom of his life that point, he had no other choice. So upon renting the place, he had promised to himself that he'll one day get out this pit and move to a luxurious penthouse in the upper east. That was 8 years ago, now this had become his permanent home.

The narrow hall filled with deafening music obscured any sound that dared to cross the cluster of dissonance. The blond squint his eyes upon hearing the blaring noise emitted from a room, he reached to the wooden door and flung it open revealed a brunette male with a thin tank top on and a short clumped at his feet, sitting in front his computer while moving his hand up and down rapidly. The host was startled by the unwarranted intrusion, he quickly stood up in his indecency and used the hem of his top to cover his private upon being spotted by the person in front.

Niall peered at him questioningly before switched to the screen that the brunette's body was conveniently trying to obscure. There he saw a picture of a blond head with the familiar background of his neighborhood. "Disgusting," he said. Whereupon the other blushed furiously, he tried to tighten the gap between his thigh in desperate to hide his boner while lowering his head, embarrassed. The figure at the entrance didn't dwell on the matter as he continued " I'm going out, watch Aire for me, the babysitter is busy today" He threw a key toward the male which the brunette clumsily caught with both of his hand then quickly brought his hand back down to stretch the fabric over his crotch. "And put some clothe on," The blond said before left with a loud bang against the entry.

************

The sound of footsteps reverberating throughout the desolate pavement, each sound louder than the last created an illusion of creepiness upon the lack of light. A person with a coat draped on his shoulder, hunched his back as he briskly trotted toward the inky sheet of the night, his shadow stretched across the sidewalk as it slowly receded from the aura from a lamp to follow the gait to another.

Blues eyes wander aimlessly toward the separated beams of light divided across the road. With a gleam he caught a motion obscured under the veil of darkness beside him, he halted, straightened his back up-right and curved his lips into an artificial smirk as he uttered sweet words " Good evening gentlemen"

The shadows, upon being noticed, slowly emerged from the cloak of dusk as they too flash the blond a smile "Ni!"

"May I ask why I happen to meet you gentleman at such location?" Niall gazed at the muscular figure in a sarcastic manner, then turned his eyes toward his two followers in the back.

"You know well why we're here Ni"

The blond furtively heaved a breath" You have to be more specific than that"

The other male arched his lips slightly as he ample behind Niall" Lou said you've been ditching our debt for 2 months, is that true?"

"There've got to be a mistake, I've talked to Liam he said he'll deal with Lou"

"Well I haven't heard anything"

"Maybe you should call Lou"

The male halted behind Niall as he rested his chin over the white's shoulder "Ni, look, we're good guys, but you got to understand that we're businessmen too we got our rules bro"

"I do understand, but two months is just too short"

"Ni, nothing is short when you borrowed that much cash my dear" an ebony arm crested over the thin frame "Okay how about this, we'll give you two more weeks, and after that, there will be no negotiation, K!"

Niall turned his face to met the other male "Sound good". Suddenly a blaring tone from the blond's jean broke into the tension, he quickly used the opportunity to make an escape "That's my cue, better get going"

The other person gave the rosy cheek a peck before letting go of the guy "Goodluck sweetie" As the blond returned him with a smile before rushing back into the darkening street, leaving the male's radiant face slowly shifted into a dangerous demeanor as he muttered after the shrinking figure "See you 'round"

Niall quickly fleed from the gang, that was close, he thought, he had been avoiding them for months now, but he knew for sure that they gonna find him one way or another, his ways of hiding was just a trick to buy him more time. As his head was preoccupied with the prior encounter, the blond was unaware of where he was heading as he was immediately stumbled upon a figure at a sharp turn, sent him staggering backward, almost dropped his phone in the process "Watch your god damn way"

" Fucking watch... Oh it's you"

" Me What?" He growled.

"We, You know... Nevermind, what are you doing here?"

"Not your business" Niall ignored the guy as he punched a strange number onto the glowing screen.

A light unexpectedly flashed under the tan's hand, he turned the screen over, exclaimed: "You're the weed guy?"

" I'm the weed guy" The blond mocked.

Zayn made an oh shape with his lips before brought his hand to the back of his neck. Niall diverted his eyes from the other as they roved around the area, a suggestion escaped the blond's mouth "We should get out of here, this is an open space"

The other nod in agreement then gestured Niall to come with him. They walked for about ten minutes before reached a pitch black parking site where the only thing the blond could make out with his eyes is the shape of some cars occupied in it. Zayn led Niall to a narrow spot between the wall and a car, which he claimed was his, then they squatted down the tight space.

"Half-Ounce is that right?" Niall asked while searching from inside the back of his coat.

"Yeah 14 grams" Zayn replied as Niall handed him a bag of white power hid carefully under a wrapped paper. The tan quickly retrieved the item to his jacket then raised his chin to smile radiantly at the blond.

A pair of blue eyes bored into Zayn confusingly, the pale hand still hang midair dangling over the other side as its owner snapped "You think I'm gonna give you that for free?"

"Oh yeah, sorry" The male hurriedly took out a wad of money from the underside of his jacket as he handed it over to the blond

The other glared at him suspiciously before quickly snatched the item off his hand, counted it carefully under his palm.

"Hey you want to smoke?"

Niall stalled as he replied "I made money out of this" before quickly returned to his job.

"I mean I'll pay"

The lean fingers briskly trailed against the fore edge of the wad as the blond announced "That's enough " before raised himself up over the other.

But before he could take any step, Niall felt a grip over his coat as he heard "Niall stay, you're exhausted"

The blond gauged at the tan, the blue gems searching for something under the other's facade. Whereupon Zayn's brown iris shot right back up, flashing gleam of sincere from the glass vault of moss, seeking for the approval from one behalf.

*******************

"Man the city is so bright tonight" The tan male poised his weight on the cap of a car talked to himself as a mist of vague smoke lingering around his face, encased him with the smell of marijuana. Right beside him, a lean posture was also sucking on a smoldering joint, his pupil diluted in effect of the stimulant while his eyes glazed forward to the sparks of light fixed upon the sturdy blocks. Zayn lowered his head to puffed on the fag, his gaze surreptitiously leaned over the blond, checking if whether the male interested or not. Without a warning, a gust of wind whipped against their body forced the thinner male to tuck his coat tighter into his rib which made the other men automatically took his jacket off to cover the fatigued back besides, but before he could make any more gestures, the blond thwarted him with a hand.

"C'mon you're freezing" The tan male adamant to keep the jacket mid-air.

"I don't need it" the other clenched to his attire as he spoke with an earnest expression.

Zayn didn't want to press the subject as he unwilling retrieved his jacket and donned it back his shoulder. He sat in silence for a moment before raised his voice again " I didn't mean to pry but how long did you really work at the... uhm.."

"The Brothel"

"No, I mean...Yeah"

"Seven and a half year"

"That's... Uhm.... pretty long"

"I figure"

"Why did you get into job... I didn't mean to offend you or anything, but, you could be anywhere right now..."

"Keep going"

"I mean... You're deadly gorgeous" The male's brown iris bored into the unseeing blue one.

The other chuckled lightly "Yeah! Gorgeous" he puffed on the object under the pad of his fingers.

"I'm serious"

A wisp of smoke curled up into the freezing autumn air. Gosh New York was getting colder, the blond thought.

"Things just didn't go the way you want them to be i guess"

"How so?"Zayn unintentionally put his hand on the other's jean.

The blond's azure jewels dropped upon the tan skin that juxtaposed with his blue fabric, he pointed at the prominent ink against the tinted surface "Why this?"

Zayn turned his eyes toward the tattoo the other was fascinated in "Oh this, Just something I like, Yin and Yang, Good and Bad and all of that"

"It's more than that" The blond interjected.

"What?"

"It's more than that"

The raven-haired male scratched the back of his neck "I don't know"

Niall's pearly finger reached over to graze the traces of pigments "It's not just good and bad, not just the good in the bad nor the bad in the good" The sharp nails trailed across the shaded streak "It's about both side exist in human and is decided by their own freest will. Malevolent and benevolent at once" Niall turned his gaze away from the symbol as he looked up into the sky, far pass the cloud looming above the city "I don't believe in that" His back slowly leaned against the metal cap" Look at the sky, they used to shine so bright that you thought you could see the whole galaxy from here. But, without the darkness before, now the only light you would see from it is the smudges of headlights that blind your eyes and the skyscrapers that roaming your vision."

Zayn stared into the deep diamonds fixed upon a masterpiece, how can one eyes be so intriguing? he asked, his hand inadvertently came up as if to touch those blue, as if to feel it vicariously upon his own skin. Suddenly, a gleam of the city reflected upon the blue mirrors shone over the male, gazing intensely into his dark pupil.

******************

A bleak and unwelcoming lot, reigning with darkness and cold winds ruffled upon the iron machines occupied the vacant area. Despite the forlorn scenery, it was not as deserted as one may seem. One car laid far back to the parking space, shook violently in spite of its motionless surroundings, rocking rhythmically to and fro. Inside it, two figure latched onto each other, grinding vigorously against one another. The one above grunted and panted intelligible noise while thrusting forward in great force as if to merge the other below into his own body. Whereas the male below groaning difficultly, his rosy lips shut tight, suppressed any lewdly moans that could escaped from it. He crested his arm over his eyes, leaning his head back to the fabric under him as the pleasure dominated his body, running across every fiber of his body. Upon the action, the person above eagerly quickened his speed, making one last shove before dropped his weight over the figure under, breathing heavily against the golden threads.

Niall heaved a breath upon the crook of the other person neck then pushed him over to propped himself up to the recliner, took a cigarette out from the pocket of the coat that draped on the seat in front. Seeing the other sat up, Zayn followed him, pushed his back against the car's door. 

"You know you shouldn't smoke a lot, It's really bad for your health" The tan spoke as he removed the rubber wrapped over his genital.

the other leered at him nonchalantly, keeping his lighter with a flame burning on top of it, he ignited the other end of his fag and puffed on it slightly before blew a billow of smoke out to the gap between the glass and the frame.

The male stopped his nosiness and searched for the discarded shirt on the mat of his car then picked the fabric up to put it back on his muscular frame "Where you live?"

"Why you ask?"

"I can take you home" the raven haired male hesitated "is that okay?"

The lean fingers suspended the smoke churning stick on the other side of the window, shook it slightly so that the ash on one end dropped on the cement ground outside the car "I can walk"

"It's pretty dark out there"

The other didn't listen, he took one last drag on the cigarette before opening the iron door and descended from the car, immersed himself into the unknown landscape of the night, then walked away from the person behind, leaving him longing after the forlorn silhouette that soon faded into the murky haze.  
***********  
I bet no one gonna read this

**Author's Note:**

> The quote of Niall is from The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold


End file.
